


Family?

by Misthiel



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Glimpses of happiness, Hurt Thirteenth Doctor, I'm Sorry, Prision Thirteenth Doctor, Psychological Trauma, Sad, The promotional pics made me do this, You've been warned, no comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:20:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27895963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misthiel/pseuds/Misthiel
Summary: The Doctor has been imprisioned for a long time, and things aren't as easy as she thought initially.'Day after day, week after week she had to go through the same hallucinations. She had always been proud of her mind, her beautiful, brilliant and sharp mind. But now that was playing against her."Just... don't. No. Don'tlookupdon'tlookup." The Doctor closed her eyes with all the strength she could gather. “It will pass”"Excuse me, Miss… Do you need any help?"Or maybe not.'
Relationships: The Doctor & Susan Foreman, The Doctor & The Fam, Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan & Graham O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair
Kudos: 23





	Family?

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't stop thinking about Thirteen's time on jail, so I had to write it down. Share it, let it free.
> 
> So, in advance, I'm sorry.

The silence on the cell was almost painful.

Not another life, not even a breathing broke the silence, but it was breaking her. Usually, her mind was incredibly loud, thoughts jumping from one place to another scanning everything, but since a few hundred lines on the wall, it was asleep. Only the echoes of reproach floated from time to time. She couldn't cope with more.

The Doctor had lost count of the "days" she had spent sitting on the same corner of the cell, but apparently, she would have to move to another place, because the wall next to her had no more space for the lines. Letting a heavy sigh escape her lips, she closed her eyes, oversaturated with the sickening blue glow of the cell. Maybe if she buried her face on her knees again, she could rest for a while...

The remaining pain of a migraine crossed her temples, making her frown.

"Oh, right... Here we go again."

Her embrace around her legs tightened, trying to prevent what was coming. Like the previous thousand days, they would come again looking for her. There would be a warning about an “scheduled rest” she would refuse to take, and it wouldn’t be long until someone would enter and drag her out of the cell. Of course she wanted to leave that sickening place and forget about the oppressing walls, but the rest of the prison was even worse. It wasn’t easy listening to the screams of those you put into jail.

Sometimes, she would scream too.

It didn’t matter how hard she tried, the Doctor knew they would come. But that time, the shrill alarm didn’t ring. There was only a peaceful, yet threatening calm on the air. _“Oh, no… Then it’ll be THAT…”_

A soft familiar humming started to float around her, the sound coming from an unknown corner of the cell. She knew what would happen, she would look up and there would be nothing there. Not a glimpse of her old ship, nor her friends and even less her family... Day after day, week after week she had to go through the same hallucinations. She had always been proud of her mind, her beautiful, brilliant and sharp mind. But now that was playing against her.

"Just... don't. No. Don'tlookupdon'tlookup." The Doctor closed her eyes with all the strength she could gather. “It will pass”

"Excuse me, Miss… Do you need any help?"

Or maybe not.

The compassionate voice caught her off guard, making her startle. With her sight still blurry she could guess a human-like figure in front of her. A dark-haired girl was squatting and looking at her with curiosity. That hadn't happened before!

The Doctor blinked, clearing her eyes just to see the young woman putting her loose hair behind her ear. She was wearing it short, but it fell into her face easily, covering her dark eyes. She was the last person The Doctor was expecting to see there.

“Susan? Is that you?” She quickly put on her knees, tempted to take the hand the girl was offering, but her own hands were shaking so much she doubted she could move them. “Nonono, how did you end up here, you have to get out!”

Susan almost jumped, caught off guard by the woman’s reaction. Her curiosity turned into confusion as she walked away.

“How do you know me?”

The Doctor could feel the words stuck on her throat, trapped there and unable to let them free. She wanted to tell her who she was, but she couldn’t. She shouldn’t be here, did that mean Susan was trapped there too? She wasn’t wearing the prison clothes, but…

“Do you know my grandfather?”, Susan guessed, a hint of hope on her voice.

Still frozen, the blonde woman nodded and tried to break the tension on her chest taking a needed deep breath.

“Yeah, I do…” She left escape on a weak whisper. She couldn’t say anything, she had to keep the timeline. She had made enough mistakes and all of them had brought her here, “I- I met him long ago, he was a friend of mine.”

“Then… Do you know where I can find him!?” Susan eyes shone with the strength of a hundred suns, filled with happiness in a second. She got closer to the Doctor and offered her hand again “Oohh, I’ve missed him so much! And finally, a hint! I’ve been looking for him for years.”

The Doctor looked up at the hand again and then, up to the girl’s face. Her happiness hurt her even more when it should be healing her. A hint of panic arose again on her.

“I can’t leave, and neither can you!”, she shouted. “This is a jail, Susan. I’ve been here for centuries, watching the same grey walls every day. I’ve tried everything to escape and now,” her voice broke and she stopped talking, catching some air and holding back the tears. She didn’t cry, “now you’re here, trapped with me.”

Susan shook her head, almost cheerful.

“No, I’m not trapped, Miss! You must be really tired, didn’t you see my ship?” She pointed at a corner of the cell. “We can use it to escape! Run away, find Grandfather.”

The Doctor turned her head, glancing at the place in disbelief. She squinted and one of the columns started to look weird. She could sense it wasn’t part of the wall anymore, the chameleon circuit of a perfectly functional TARDIS started to fade on her mind.

Faced with the Doctor’s indecision, the girl took her hand and helped her up. The Doctor felt the warmth of her hand. Real, alive. That couldn’t be an hallucination. The glimpse of a smile appeared on her lips and she followed her granddaughter. Every step took her closer to freedom.

What was that? Excitement? A feeling the Doctor had almost forgotten took hold of her while she stood in front of the TARDIS. Susan tinkered with the hidden lock for a few seconds and, with an electronic sound, the door opened, revealing a white console room. Classic.

“Come on, Miss!” Susan exclaimed and with a little jump, she stepped inside the ship.

After so much time, the Doctor saw a way out, a hint of hope on that ship. On the family she lost a long ago, now found. Nothing made sense, but Susan was there and with a TARDIS on their side… Anything was possible, the possibilities were infinite.

And that’s the problem with something infinite: it’s hard to control.

The moment the Doctor tried to cross the door, she hit her head with nothing. Literally nothing. She placed her hands in front of her, feeling an inexistent plain surface between her and freedom. Her sight went from her hands to her granddaughter, who was already setting the travel coordinates.

“Nonononono… Susan! Susan, I can’t get in!” The girl didn’t look up, all her attention was on the console. “Susan, please!” The Doctor’s breath quickened, her mind started to rush, assessing all the possibilities and finding only dead ends. Her own anxiety prevented her from understanding anything.

“Perfect! Everything is ready, Miss…” Susan looked up, holding a lever and smiling to the void in front of her, like the Doctor was there. “Sorry, how rude of me! I forgot to ask for your name.”

When she heard that word, the Doctor hands turned into fists, punching the invisible barrier in the vain attempt to break it. She didn’t cry, except when she did. To hell with paradoxes.

“IT’S ME, SUSAN!”, the Doctor shouted into the ship. “I’M GRANDFATHER!” Pain run through her throat, breaking her voice. She stood there, seeing how her words had no effect. “Please let me in, please…”

“Well, tell me during the travel, I can’t put it off any longer. Let’s go!”

The girl pulled down the lever and the door slammed shut in front of the Doctor. The ship turned into a normal grey, boring wall, only decorated with white lines. The constant reminder of her time there.

All strength left her body. The Doctor fell on her knees and leaned against the wall. She looked away from the wall; the past was in the past. She wasn’t a time traveller anymore, she had to let it go. No one would come from the past, at least not someone she abandoned her, and save her. But from the present…

“Doctor, there it is. You have to hold on to that.” She said to herself as she wiped the tears from her eyes. “Stay strong. People waiting for you.”

Relying on the wall, the Doctor stood up and with heavy steps and head down, she headed to the metallic bed in the centre of her cell. She frowned; she needed a rest. Something was banging around inside her head.

A blow stronger than the others overtook her, making her startle. It came from the door, where a small window had opened. The Doctor let a sigh escape; whatever was going to happen, she didn't want to find out. She couldn't handle anything else. The Doctor just wanted to disappear, fade into unconsciousness and never wake up. After all, what was the point?

But the Doctor was a sentimental. She had always been. She couldn’t see her and not running towards her.

Yaz’s face appeared on the window, framed by her complicated and beautiful hairstyles, those the Doctor liked so much. The young woman took a look inside the cell and her gaze crossed with the Doctor’s, who was already staggering towards the door.

“Yaz! Ohh, you’re here.” She dropped on the closed door, leaning out of the window.

A confusing smile appeared on the human face and she looked aside before speaking. “Hey, Ryan, Graham! Look who’s here!”

The Doctor kept on her rushed speech, not believing what her eyes were seeing. Yaz. Her Fam.

“I’m so happy you’re all here, I’m sorry for everything. You shouldn’t be here, you’re in danger and after all I’ve done…” The woman looked back at her as the two men appeared behind her. “I’m so sorry. For leaving you, for not being there, for risking everything.”

“Oh, you better be, luv,” Graham chuckled, crossing his arms.

The Doctor looked at him in complete confusion, She didn’t know if she was imagining things due to exhaustion or if she had caught his tone properly. It sounded almost… sarcastic.

“What? Sorry, I’m-”, she started to say before Yaz cut her off.

“He’s right, Doctor. After all you’ve done to us, the less thing you could do is being sorry.” The Doctor tried to answer, but the woman shushed her. “No, don’t say it. We don’t want your meaningless apologies. You deserve to be here.”

Her words felt like a cold sharp knife digging on her chest, freezing her alive. Her hands stating to tremble again and in an act of hope, the Doctor extended one of them towards her friend. But the step back Yaz took broke her completely, like a pane of glass crashing to the ground.

“Please, no… I need you,” the Doctor managed to whisper, hiding her hands on the cell again. That couldn’t be happening.

“Yeah, but we don’t need you anymore.” Ryan spitted to her. “We’re better off without you and you’re better here, paying for your crimes and everything you hid from us. Let’s go, guys.”

The three of them glanced one last time at the desolate woman. Before leaving, Yaz got closer to the window.

“Thanks for nothing,” she stated before closing the window with a bang, leaving the Doctor alone with only the bluish light of the bars on the opposite side of the cell.

She would have cried, but she didn’t have the strength. She just wanted to vanish. To deny everything and hide everything under the bed. Like she had always done. And run, run away and the further she could. To disappear from the universe, to stop existing.

So the Doctor laughed. She roared with all the air on her lungs, with a sound between an amused chortle and a painful howl. A robotic voice echoed across the corridor, interrupting her.

“End of recording. Experiment: completed.”

After hearing that, the Doctor gave her back to the door and leaned on it, falling slowly to the ground as she kept laughing, this time louder than before. She sat down on the floor and embraced her legs again, still shaking. It was all so incredibly funny! She was having the time of her life there, an unforgettable experience.


End file.
